Grandma’s Ornament

Grandma's Ornament circa 1920

Grandma's Ornament circa 1920 © 2011 Bo Mackison

But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

 “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”

May you and yours have the best celebration ever, no matter whatever you may be celebrating.

p.s. I hear Santa is coming to visit all the good boys and girls. Will he stop at your house?

—————

Bo Mackison is a photographer, owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. She will be spending family time around the Christmas tree, telling old stories and sharing holiday spirit.

First Snowfall

First Snow on Strickers Pond

First Snow on Strickers Pond © 2011 Bo Mackison

Listen to your life.
See it for the fathomless mystery that it is …
Touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart,
all of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments,
and life itself is grace. ~ Frederick Buechner

The snow drifted from the skies this morning. I could make out the swirling white even in the darkness before dawn. As the day began, as the sky lightened to a slate gray, there was just enough snow to cover the ground, the roads, the outlines of the branches. By noon the sidewalks, driveways, and streets were free of snow and as the day continued to warm most of the snow melted into the grass. Only clumps of the white stuff remain.

Madison has had an average of 15″ of snow by this time of the year for at least the last five years. Often the accumulation by the New Year is over the twenty inch mark. We have usually had our first weather warnings and blizzard planning by now. But not this year.

It is looking unlikely that there will be a white Christmas 2011. Better traveling weather. That’s a good thing.

But I’m glad I was able to photograph the pond dressed in white. It may be all the snow I see this year. In a few weeks, I’ll be traveling to Arizona to prepare for the upcoming art shows.

——————

Bo Mackison is a photographer, owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. She took photographs in the snow, sat in the living room with the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree for company and meditated, and then picked up family at the airport – almost everyone is home for the holidays.  Now I am really listening to life!

Endless Journey

Endless Road

Endless Road © 2011 Bo Mackison

Her thoughts followed endless roads.
Her mind created endless ideas.
Her dreams told endless sagas, no story line.

She felt out of context.
Small things were struggles.
She could solve puzzles if she had enough time, though there was never enough time.

She took herself apart and put herself back together.
There were left over parts.
How would she re-attach the left over pieces?

She wondered who she would be — or what — in her next life.
She remained hopeful.
She forgot to sweep the floors or polish the mirrors.
Crumbs collected on the soles of her socks, but she never looked in the mirrors anyway.

Her words disturbed the peace when she spoke.
Her words were the impatient part and never waited for her brain.

She lost important papers.
She didn’t watch TV.
She didn’t follow recipes.
She didn’t follow rules, well, not all of the rules all of the time.

Rules were tricky.
Boundaries were tricky, too.
Was the grass greener on the other side of the fence?

She kept busy.
She wasn’t bored but she did get lonely.
She was no longer desperate. She knew
hope. She could hold it in her hands.

She had a camera.

She took pictures and hung them on her walls.

———————

Bo sometimes writes poems, seldom shares them. Winter solstice seemed like the right time to share this poem.

Lessons from the American Lotus

Sunlit Ice on Pond

American Lotus through Sunlit Ice © 2011 Bo Mackison

  Nature is a mirror held to our view so we can see the ongoing process of growth, renewal and transformation in our lives.

~ Mary Anne Brussatt

I love this east corner of Strickers Pond in Madison. It is the only part of the water that has these pond plants which I’ve photographed for a few weeks, and I just discovered what they are – American Lotus plants.

The American lotus is an emersed native – the roots of the plant are in the muddy bottom of the edges of lakes, and the stalks protrude from the water. Their leaves are circular; they do not have the familiar indentation that water-lily leaves have.

Before the stalks weaken and break in late fall, the plants look like open umbrellas, all together, rather like big-city commuters, hurrying home in a downpour.

Plants are fascinating to study throughout the seasons. I didn’t see these in bloom, but I’ve read they have large, plate-sized blossoms, bright yellow.

Sounds lovely, but I rather like them at this stage, in their winter existence stance. Some will keep standing, especially if the pond gets its typical snow fall. After a good storm, they’ll be supported by a foot or more of snow. Some of the stalks will be smashed to the surface by the ice storms that often precede the snow accumulation.

American Lotus Seedheads

American Lotus Seedheads © 2011 Bo Mackison

No matter, each plant already dropped its seed head, the seeds have loosened from the heavy protective pod, some settled in the pond’s muddy bottom waiting for winter to come and pass into spring, for the long dark to turn into days of lengthening light. Next spring a new crop of lotus will be waving their green high above the water and in summer a sea of yellow flowers will show off for the neighborhood.

These plants give me hope. Today they are brittle brown, broken, most are leaf-less. They stand in disarray. Yet, I still see a deep, rich beauty in them. I know the new plants will fascinate me when they rise from the water, and entrance me even more when they form a yellow floral carpet above the water.

There is a beauty throughout their life cycle. Just as I am learning that there is beauty in all of us, both in our up and down periods and throughout the cycle of our lives, too.

When I stand with my feet in the mud, broken, ashamed, worried about my future, I am beaten by the cold and winds of indifference and harsh words, even hateful words. But also by my sensitivity, my fear. I feel alone and vulnerable.

And I walk around the pond and I’m reminded of the promise of fresh growth, new experiences, deepening awareness — these thoughts hold me upright through the darkness. The light will return. The cycles will continue.

Seeds. Light. Water. Earth.

The cycle of life continues.

——————–

Bo Mackison is a photographer, owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. She anticipates the approaching winter solstice, and the promise of lengthening days.

Broken Stalks

Ice on Pond and Recent Snowfall
Strickers Pond, First Snow © 2011 Bo Mackison

How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all. ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes

For many years, I had long periods of time when I felt like a broken stalk, a decaying plant. Blackened, brittle, beyond repair. Beyond care. I couldn’t access my soul, my spirit. I held the broken-ness tightly. It was the only identity I knew.

When I became interested in photography, it was a last-ditch effort to instill a daily routine in my life, a ritual, to focus on a reason to get out of bed each morning and look at the world. Really look at the good in the world, in my world.

Depression sucks life until everything gets covered in a murky, ugly gray. Anxiety turns that gray morass into a roiling fearsome monster. Photography became my potent weapon against depression, anxiety, even despair. Photography provided me with a physical way to add meaning to each day.

It wasn’t that I was not surrounded by a loving husband and family. I was. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the necessities of life and more. I did. But from that place of inner darkness, it was a struggle to appreciate the huge gifts that I had. Family, friends, doctors, therapists — all made monumental efforts to reach that dark place. With their help I made small gains, but I never felt like I had a “real” life.

Forgiveness is the economy of the heart . . . forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits. 

~ Hannah More

One of the major changes in my life began with a small change in my day. I began consistently taking at least one photograph each day and posting it to my blog. My goal was to post a daily photo for a year and I did so from October 2007 to October 2008. Once I reached that goal, I continued to shoot every day. What had begun as a few minute practice became a habit and then a creative art, then a career and a passion.

I do not only think of photography as my art, my career. I think of photography as a cosmic gift.  As I pursued photography, it began to light my soul, lighten my spirit. I think it not coincidental that the word photography consists of two Greek words combined into one. “Photo” is derived from “phos” and means “light” in English. “Graphy” is derived from “graphi” which mean to write or draw.

“Photography – to write or draw with light.”

While I repeatedly created photographs, I also shone light into my inner darkness. Gradually the darkness lightened. The murky gray took on color. The roiling emotional monster began to quiet. I was able to breathe deeply, look anew at my surroundings, and see beauty everywhere — in the colors of the tiniest flower, the majesty of a century oak, the grain in polished wood, even in the symmetry and angularity of broken plant stalks on a snowy pond surface.

Humanity is never so beautiful as when praying for forgiveness, or else forgiving another. 
~ Jean Paul
Anger is a difficult emotion. It serves no purpose years after an injury or an assault to the mind or body. The anger I held so tightly caused added pain to me and the people I most loved. Yet I didn’t want to let go. I knew anger. I knew anger intimately. The burning fires of anger, so I told myself, kept me alert, kept me alive. And living with this anger also isolated me, which, illogically, gave me a heightened sense of safety.

But anger is a hard master and requires immense energy to keep it burning. I was exhausted. And one more thing, a very important discovery, I was lonely.

It was time to stop the constant longing to change the past. Time to stop protecting myself by maintaining an invisible fence. Time to let go.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.
~ Bill Cosby

When I held so tightly to anger, I became strangled by its force. I wanted to be loved, but I was afraid of love. I felt I wasn’t worthy of love, that once someone loved me, they would discover the true me and leave me. I made plenty of mistakes, trying to protect myself while controlling everything and everyone around me.

In letting go of my need to change the past, I can work on today. I can work on forgiving myself. And ask for forgiveness from those whom I have hurt. I am learning. I still have much to learn.

It’s all journey.