I See No Gate…Until I Do ©2015 Bo Mackison
Stop fixing, stop pushing, stop forcing my will.
All that fixing and pushing and forcing…
none of it makes any difference.
The advice is solid and intellectually
I agree. Of course I see the folly
of relentless effort with no results.
The billy-goat butts a fence and never sees the gate a step away,
I’m fenced in, too, the opening’s within my glance.
Yet with eyes fixed on the ground, I walk in circles.
A gate? I see no gate…until I do.
The whisper of acceptance slips through the gate.
Such a tiny breath it takes as it draws near.
I ignore the whisper. (I’m stubborn that way.)
I hide under blankets where no breeze refreshes.
That doesn’t stop acceptance from nuzzling my ear,
whisper-singing lullabies of ease and calm.
No promises does acceptance offer,
but its ever quiet manner calls attention
to the wisdom of letting go.
My grandfather, he would say
“tell it like it is, then be done.”
He was quiet man, my grandfather, and he was wise.
And I say, I am not sorry.
About the fight. This fight
I swore I’d never quit.
I fought hard in the midst of the whole miserable affair.
Depression as my foe; my best friend, too.
My bed partner and life partner. My lover and destroyer.
I cried the battle cries, bled from nearly fatal wounds.
And now I see, acceptance is the harder battle.
I’m calling it quits. And shaking hands with acceptance.
No more cowering when fear overwhelms,
no smashing glass walls in anger.
All the messes in my life, I’d like to call them friends,
say I’ve learned from those experiences.
Some day I’ll speak those words. With courage.
For the record, it’s been one crap shoot
after another, unpredictable. Risky.
And still, here I stand and say.
This life. It’s a good one.
Violets blossom in the grass, my shoes well soaked with dew.
