Writing Your Life Story Part 6: Collect Memories in Letters

Cross My Heart

Cross My Heart © 2011 Bo Mackison

Write letters for the Memoir Project?

Yes. It’s a quick project with many benefits.

My mother’s only cousin turns 90 in a few days. (Happy Birthday, Cousin Pauline!) I have a card ready to pop in the mail, but I didn’t want to send wishes for her big day without adding a personal note.

It would have been easier for me to scribble a few words and sign a big “I love you!” at the bottom of the card, but while I was trying to come up with the right few words, I realized that this birthday event would be a perfect time to do some life story writing “on the fly.”

That’s mostly how I write my life story – in little projects that add up over time.

How easy would it be to pen a special memory to a special person when it is time to send a special card?  Sure, it adds extra minutes to the card choosing and address writing basics, but a card with a handwritten note is so much more meaningful, especially if it recounts a memorable time for the recipient.

I chose a photo-art card that featured a rose on the cover, remembering that Pauline had a very small yard, but she always had rose bushes flanking her home’s front door. Then I brainstormed to recall a few memories from weekend visits with Pauline and her husband. In less than a half hour I had come up with a few details I thought Pauline would enjoy reading.

Here is an excerpt from the letter I eventually wrote:

I always loved visiting your home in the big city. There were always special trips to the mall. I still remember how fascinated I was that the largest department store in your mall had a roof shaped like a two-story-tall woman’s hat — it even had a pink bow and tiny windows.

But one weekend when we visited, I was too distracted to enjoy myself.

Our visit came a few weeks before the end of the school semester. I was struggling with my math assignments and worried about the upcoming comprehensive exam. Math was never much to my liking, and I talked myself into an inability to memorize the multiplication and division tables.

To make matters even worse,  you were a highly respected math teacher at the junior high school where you taught and the math department head and you had recently completed the coursework for your masters’ degree in mathematics. I was impressed at your math accomplishments, but also terrified that you would quiz me on my math facts and I would be embarrassed, not knowing the right answers.

But you surprised me. When you asked how I was doing in school, I blurted out, “I love school…all but math. I hate math!”

I remember you looked at me, first with surprise, and then you broke into prolonged laughter. Finally you wiped a few tears from your eyes and called me over to your overstuffed chair. You pulled me onto your lap, and whispered, “Why don’t you tell me what part of math you hate the very most?”

Pauline, I remember you gave me a big hug after I told you I was “no good at multiplying.”

You nodded your head, and you said, “There are things that you can do very well and things you can’t. And that is OK. If math is one of those not so good things, maybe I can teach you a few tricks to make it easier.”

You called it “math magic” and you showed me how to maneuver the numbers in my head while I was multiplying. If I was trying to figure out the answer to 8 times 6, and I didn’t know the 6 tables very well, but I did know the 5 tables, you told me how to multiply 8 times 5 (easy!) and just add another 8 for the right total.

Presto! That math trick, and several others, helped me conquer some of my math fear and I went home with a better attitude about math facts.

But, Pauline, this is really what you taught me that weekend – that it is OK if you are good at some things, and not so good at others. Thank you, not just for the math lesson, for the lesson about life.

I mailed the letter, but first I made a copy to put in my memoir container.

I also checked my calendar for the remainder of the year and picked a special event — birthday, anniversary, graduation — for each month.

I put a reminder on my calendar to send a special occasion card with a “memoir letter.”

When I break my life writing into tiny steps and make them serve a special purpose, such as writing a quick story in a card, it is easy for snippets of memories to get captured on paper.

Do you have any special occasions that are coming up in the next month or two? Why not put a note on your calendar to add a story to your card? You’ll document a bit more of your life story, and the recipient will get a special gift, too.

Next: Part 7,  Jump Start Your Writing

Writing Your Life Story Part 5: Finding the Perfect Container

Open For Business
Open for Browsing © 2010 Bo Mackison

Awareness is not the same as thought. It lies beyond thinking, although it makes no use of thinking, honoring it’s value and it’s power. Awareness is more like a vessel which can hold and contain our thinking, helping us to see and know our thought as thought rather than getting caught up in them as reality. ~~ Jon Kabit-Zinn

The Memoir Project invites you to take a writing break. Go on a treasure hunt instead.

This is a treasure hunt to find the perfect vessel to “hold and contain your thinking,” those bits of memoir writing and projects you are collecting as the months pass by. (Although if your schedule permits, you could both write a story or two and go searching for that special container.)

Your container can be as plain or fancy as you wish, as decorative or functional as suits your own temperament. Of course, you may already own a special container and simply need to re-purpose it. Or a trip to the local shops may inspire you to examine boxes, baskets, and bags.

Leather Bag - Antique ShopAntique Leather Bag © 2010 Bo Mackison

I scoured the antique shops for a sewing basket to hold my growing stash of memoir projects.

My grandmother, a seamstress by profession, had a varnished wicker sewing basket, maybe fourteen inches in diameter, with a flat wicker lid. The top was decorated with a tassel of threads and buttons. I record many memories of my early years when I lived with my grandparents, and it would be meaningful to find a similar basket for my memoir storage.

What kind of container is right for your memoir collection?

A cookie tin for the baker in the family? A pink vintage suitcase for the traveler or wanna be traveler? A picnic basket for the outdoors enthusiast?

Set of Pink Ventana Suitcases - Antique ShopPink Vintage Luggage © 2010 Bo Mackison

Maybe an old-fashioned doll trunk to hold a trunkful of childhood memories? A bamboo box for the naturalist? A quilted bag to hold an accumulation of old letters and memorabilia? Or one of these great hat boxes to hold reminders of the “good ol’ days?”

Marshall Field Hat Boxes - Antique ShopMarshall Field Hat Box © 2010 Bo Mackison

What container will you choose for your memoir stash?

When you find the perfect container to contain your collection of writings and other memoir media, why not take thirty minutes to write about your choice and how it relates to the life story you are recording.

Then gather your memoir projects and put them all in their new home.

Next: Part 6, Collect Memories in Letters

Writing Your Life Story Part 4: Why Write Your Story?

Polyvitro Chandelier and Tower

Polyvitro Chandelier and Tower © 2014 Bo Mackison

Friends, family, even strangers ask: “Why should I write down my life story?” “I haven’t anything important to share.” “Who would want to read about my life?”

So . . . why write my life story or memoir?

Different writers have different reasons, but here are a few:

Memoir writing can be therapeutic.

Writing your way through a difficult period of life, or writing about the learning of a challenging life lesson can help put the experience into perspective.

Memoirs provide teaching moments.

A good memoir focuses on an event or series of events that evoke a change in the author — perhaps a change of view, a change of feelings, a change for better (or worse.)

Memoirs provide for personal sharing and keep moments alive.

This sharing need not be for a large audience; the writing may only be written for family members or friends. It is a way of documenting a part of their lives, too. I recalled a poem I recently read that described a moment by a writer as he watched his words being read by another.

A day will come I’ll watch you reading this.
I’ll look up from these words I’m writing now—
this line I’m standing on, I’ll be right here,
alive again. I’ll breathe on you this breath.
~~ excerpt from the poem The One Certain Thing by Peter Cooley

Ask yourself. Why write about your life, your memories?

This makes a great writing prompt. Are you writing to resolve an old issue? Are you writing to share a major shift in your actions or way of thinking? Or like the poet, are you writing your story, even in a small way, for posterity?

Consider writing down your reasons and making it a part of your memoir collection.

Next: Part 5, The Perfect Container

Writing Your Life Story Part 3: How to Create A Photo Keepsake Booklet

Grandma and Brother © 2010 Bo Mackison

This is the third post in the Memoir Project, a series on documenting your life story. The first two projects in the Memoir Project were writing projects. Now is a good time to branch out and add a multimedia touch.

Let’s add an easy photography project.

No need to have an expensive camera or a camera with fancy settings unless that is the kind of camera you love to use. A basic camera is fine. Or a phone camera. Or a three dollar disposable camera from the corner store.

We often annotate our photographs when we organize them.

We take photos. Then we add information on the back — date, place, names. Important information. However in this project, the photographs are not the only part of the project. The writing is just as important.

My photo booklet — in the photograph below — focuses on an important person in my life.

You may want to do a similar project with the focus on a person, or you may want to feature your favorite books, art, foods. You can photograph the place where you live, including details that make your house a special place. You can do a photo shoot documenting your typical activities on a typical day. You are limited in subject matter only by your imagination!

Grandma Lillian © 2010 Bo Mackison

I chose to write about my grandmother, one of the more influential women in my life, who lived to be 91 years old. I have many fond memories of my grandmother — I lived with her until I left home to attend college — but I wanted to write about her using a multifaceted approach.

I chose to do a project about objects and mementos she had given me, both as a child and as an adult. I photographed these items and included them in a booklet, using each photo as an evocative prompt for writing. Here are the directions for making a similar booklet. You can adapt the directions to your own project.

How-To Directions for Turning a Photo Booklet into a Memoir Keepsake:

1. I only have a few things from my grandmother. I went through my home collecting those items. In ten minutes, I’d found several pieces of jewelry, a collectible miniature shoe, a lucky buckeye, and my most beloved treasure, a gravy bowl that my grandparents had received as a wedding gift.

2. I took photos of each object. Again, nothing fancy. Try to use natural lighting if possible–set the items up on a table near a window, or even outside, but don’t photograph items in direct sunlight. A shaded area is fine. It is also better to avoid flash if you shoot indoors, but don’t get hung up on the photography. Just take the photos. Take several photos of each item, so you can choose the best photo of each item.

3. Make prints of a photograph of each object.

4. Mount the photographs on a backing paper. You can use a variety of papers, a heavy weight paper works best. I used a decorative paper from a local arts and crafts store.

Remembering GrandmaSentimental Objects © 2010 Bo Mackison

5. I created a front and back page for the booklet. I photocopied a vintage photo of my grandmother — don’t use an original! — and glued it to the front of the booklet. Use any photograph, drawing, or title that captures the focus and spirit of your book.

6. Punch a hole in the top left corner of each photo and the cover pages.

7. Tie the two covers and all the photographs together with a ribbon or use a metal binder ring (can be purchased at an office store.)

8. Once you complete your booklet, the writing begins. (Or sooner, if you are inspired.) When using photographs of special objects, thinking about the memorabilia will bring back many memories. Write whatever comes to mind on the back of each photograph. No over-thinking, just a quick written sketch will do.

9. Keep the booklet handy. You can add information as you recall more details. Once in a while I find another item from my grandmother. (Just last week, I realized my rolling-pin had come from her kitchen.) Take photographs and update the booklet as needed.

Here is a sample of the quick writing I did on the back of the photograph of the gravy boat.

This is my favorite object I have from Grandma. It’s a Noritake china gravy bowl with a matching saucer.  My favorite part is the elegant but tiny matching ladle. She and Grandpa Harry received it from his great-aunt when they married in 1919. I remember using it on special occasions such as Thanksgiving dinner. I always loved it, and Grandma gave it to Robert and me the summer we planned our own wedding.

In our family we used the gravy bowl frequently while the kids were growing up. I think whenever we had gravy with a meal, one of the children would ask if we could “please use Great Grandma’s bowl.” The kids used the bowl and tiny ladle while I cautioned them to be careful–I couldn’t help but utter words of warning!–but all three kids, from the time they were barely in school, ladled their own gravy onto their mashed potatoes from the precious china bowl.

We use it to this day, and everyone thinks of it as one of our more valuable family heirlooms.

In the next project, we’ll explore another quick writing prompt and discuss methods for storing your growing memoir stash!

Next: Part 4, Why Write Your Life Story?

Writing Your Life Story Part 2: Using a Search Engine As Your Muse

Chihuly's Blue Star

Chihuly’s Blue Sapphire Star © 2014 Bo Mackison

This Memoir Project, the second project in a series of twelve, uses popular research tools to prompt your life story writing.

Using the internet for fact-finding can help recall information that jogs your memories.

Here is a simple technique for turning a search engine such as Google into your own personal muse.

  • Pick a memorable year in your life. Choose a significant birthday – maybe the year you turned Sweet 16, or the year you reached adulthood. Or choose a notable year – the year you married, moved across town, or across the country.
  • Pick one category or several. Research the best fiction and non-fiction books for that year. Also try the award-winning movies, the best albums or singles, and the most popular television shows.
  • Look at sites where you not only can find top 10 lists, but also a summary of the year’s news highlights, sports winners, and popular culture.
  • Researching the decade can make it easier to find information in one place. Here are a few links to get you started:

1960s: collection of music, books, movies and more from the 60s

1970s: the super seventies in music, literature, popular culture

1980s: an encyclopedia of music, cinema, and news for the 80s

1990s: nifty nineties’ top books, movies, happenings

  • What jogs your memory? Write what you remember. You aren’t creating a history book. You are recalling your memories the way you–and only you–remember them.

I chose 1976 as my memorable year.

It was the year I graduated from college, started my first job as a physical therapist, moved into my first apartment, and got married, all in 6 months time.

Since I have always been an inveterate reader, I checked out the top books in fiction and non-fiction. No memory jogs there.

I looked at the list of the top 10 TV shows. A few of the them are now classics–Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, M*A*S*H– but I wasn’t inspired to write.

However, my muse did awaken as I read over the list of popular music for 1976. Most of the singles were familiar. I played a few of the songs on YouTube and memories came flooding back.

One of the more popular songs of the year, Can’t Take My Eyes off of You by Frankie Valli, was the first song played at our wedding reception, our first dance. Suddenly I had a story I wanted to remember.

Here is an excerpt from “The First Dance”:

Bob and I met when we worked together at the university cafeteria. He worked so he could earn beer money. I worked so I could eat. When we decided to get married, there was the typical planning. My mother offered to help.

“What kind of band do you want? We have friends who have a band. They play anything. Waltzes, polkas, even your kind of music.”

I was wondering exactly what kind of music my kind of music was, but she didn’t wait for an answer.

“He can dance, can’t he?”

It was a question I had considered. I also tabled the discussion before I had it. Why ask the question? I already knew the answer. No, he couldn’t dance. To keep wedding plans from getting overwhelming, I took evasive tactics.

“No problem, Mom. We’re both rusty, so we signed up for dance lessons.”

I had seen the sign on the bulletin board at the hospital where I worked. Six classes – six different dances. The city college was offering classes and the classes were cheap – a buck a class a person. It sounded like a great solution.

Our enthusiasm was high as Bob and I attended the first class. But after an hour practicing “1-2-3, turn, 1-2-3, turn, guy-smash-girl’s-foot, 1-2-3, turn” we’d both said things we wished we hadn’t, and three of my toes were throbbing and bruised.

Even so, we were young and optimistic. Surely the second class would be better. Not really. We were young and inexperienced, and we knew nothing about the connection between dancing and natural ability. I would have had better luck dancing the cha-cha with a chihuahua, but there wasn’t one available.

Neither of us were naturals on the dance floor, but we weren’t stupid. In fact, we had a lot of smarts. And as a dear mentor once told me, part of being smart is knowing what you are not good at – and not doing it.

We nixed the cha-cha and the waltz, and decided we could fake the polka with enthusiastic lunges. As for the traditional first dance, we wimped out, much to the chagrin of our mothers. No waltzing around the dance floor.

We chose a song that had a slow beat, and did the slow dance reminiscent of those self-consciously done during high school dances in a decorated gym. Bride and groom in each others arms, gazing into each others eyes, swaying to the music, and shuffling in a circle while never lifting our feet from the floor.

When the music stopped, everyone applauded. We sighed. And smiled.

That slow dance has served us well for more than 35 years.

Here are a few tips for giving search engine research a try.

  • Pick a year. Research the Top 10s. Look at the popular culture or a price list of basic needs–a loaf of bread, milk, a first class stamp, a new auto or home.
  • Consider printing the lists to keep in your memoir stash for future reference.
  • Read through your research lists until an item triggers a memory. If necessary, play a few songs on YouTube or watch a few clips from movies or television shows.
  • Write down at least one memory. Don’t worry about perfect sentences or how the words flow at the beginning. Just get the memory down on paper. You can always rewrite later.

In the next part, I’ll introduce a photography project for collecting memories. It’s quick, easy, and you’ll love the keepsake results.

Next: Part 3, Keepsake Photo Booklet