Learning to Be Astonished

Old Lace Peony

Old Lace Peony © 2012 Bo Mackison

Am I no longer young, and still not half perfect? Let me
keep my mind on what matters,
which is my work,

which is mostly standing still and learning to be
astonished.

from Messenger by Mary Oliver

How lovely is the above message from Mary Oliver’s poem.

Sometimes I read a poem, and it seems as if it is a message from beyond, or from the universe, or from a secret conduit from poet’s mind to my mind.

This happened today when I read Messenger.

Yes, I am feeling no longer the least bit young, and not even “half perfect.” Not that I wish to be perfect, for that does not sound like much of a life adventure, but I might prefer to be a bit further on the path than I am. I frown a bit.

Then come her words “let me keep my mind on what matters, which is my work.” The worry lines appear on my brow and I start cataloging the many to-do’s on my unwritten list entitled What I Should/Must Get Done ASAP. I fret about work and time and commitments and responsibilities and my purpose for being one of the seven million plus  human inhabitants on this earth.

Then I stop, startled, and take a deep breath, no, several deep breaths. And I close my eyes for a few moments, mentally pushing away worry, though unsuccessfully for it will not be pushed aside.

I read the next few words of the poem . . . “my work, which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished.”

Ah, so I smile a bit and relax a bit and let Mary Oliver’s words push away the worry with much more success.

Yes, I have plenty of time to work on the art of being astonished.

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Bo Mackison is a photographer and owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. Sometimes she puts down her camera and reads pages and pages of poetry.

A View of the World

Thistle

Thistle © 2012 Bo Mackison

The faster one goes, the more strain there is on the senses, the more they fail to take in, the more confusion they must tolerate or gloss over — and the longer it takes to bring the mind to a stop in the presence of anything. ~ Wendell Berry

Not so long ago I had a reaction to a medication. Instead of making me drowsy, as had been predicted, the chemicals from the medication flowed throughout my body and made it utterly impossible for me to quiet myself. The reaction – medically termed akathisia – makes it impossible to quiet oneself both inside and outside.

My body had to move. I paced. When I sat, my leg jumped about. You’ve heard the term “crawling out of your skin”? That was exactly what I wanted to do. My insides seemed intent on crawling to the outside. Yes, I called the pharmacist. Then I called the doctor on call. And within a few hours, I had a second medication that was supposed to diminish the side effects of the first. Unfortunately it didn’t take effect immediately.

However, there was a big change. I now knew what was happening, and I had been assured that my frantically moving body would return to normal. I just had to hang on and tolerate the ride until everything returned to normal.

Wow — easier to say than to do.

After another hour of pacing and near panic, I finally hit upon a solution. My body, and therefore my mind, too, were racing along and I couldn’t keep up. I had to  s-l-o-w-t-h-i-n-g-s-d-o-w-n. Yes. Slow. Things. Down.

And then I discovered a work-around. I went outside and took gulping breaths of sweet May air. Then I slowly paced myself so I was breathing deeply, slowly. And finally, I noticed that I was standing barefoot in thick, not-recently-mowed grass. Deep tufts of grass. I stood there. I concentrated on my feet coming into contact with the black earth. And there I stayed.

For nearly an hour, I stood and breathed. And realized this utterly amazing thing. I was standing on the earth, the planet Earth. And so was every other person on this huge earth – in some way or other. All seven billion plus of us – all connected to the earth. So not all of us earthlings were in solid contact, as I was, but all were still connected. No one was going to fling away from Mother Earth, suddenly unleashed by her gravitational hold.

Isn’t that an amazing thing? Wherever you are, anywhere, always, we are attached to the earth or near it.  We can always reach down and touch that huge planet rolling through space. You imagine a photo of the earth from a satellite or NASA mission, and see the swirling earth planet, and then realize you can TOUCH it. With your feet. With your hands. How awesome is that!

That is how I managed to calm my body. I touched the earth. I repeated that I was okay, that I was connected to everyone and everything by the mere presence of all of us together on this huge traveling earth in the unimaginably huge universe. I concentrated on feeling a part of the whole.

Gradually, the feeling of connection took over, and I stopped hurtling through the barrage of out of control feelings and movements. I slowed down, way down. I re-connected to all. And there I stood. The side effects lessened and I felt okay again.

I also learned a valuable lesson. I was able to manage the out of control feelings and connect to the present moment by connecting to the physical Earth, by accepting life as it was at that moment, and by slowing myself down.

Wow, right?

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Bo Mackison is a photographer and owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. Sometimes she puts down her camera and just stands in the grass.

A Re-invention of Giant Allium

Eighteen Giant Allium

The Re-Invention of Allium © 2012 Bo Mackison

Who would deduce the dragonfly from the larvae, the iris from the bud, the lawyer from the infant? . . . We are all shape-shifters and magical re-inventors. Life is really a plural noun, a caravan of selves.  ~ Diane Ackerman

Shape-shifters? Re-inventors? A caravan of selves?

We are not trapped inside one identity. One brand. We are always undergoing changes, some subtle, some life-altering. Sometimes we choose to change, though that seems to be a harder task. When I think of the many resolutions of change I have made and then discarded, I realize it is much easier to want the change than to live the change.

But I find it thrilling, addicting, fascinating to be a shape shifter, a re-inventor when it comes to photography. I focus on true to life landscape one day, then the next day I seem only able to create a garden of flowers seen only in my imagination until I shape shift them with the help of computer software. Perhaps tomorrow I will be discovering the macro world of a drop of water or the architectural intricacies of a barely standing centuries-old barn.

The garden filled with purple Allium that I photographed in the morning becomes a garden of pinks and yellows, drifting in the wind of change, in the afternoon, and the next morning these same Allium are just a whisper of their original selves, composed upon a background field of yellow and green stripes. I so love to examine a single type of flower, and then change it, following my whims and what-if’s, until the altered photograph appears and I know that is how it must look.

When I see a photograph, and I explode with a whoop of joy, then I know I am creating from deep within. Shape shifting. Re-inventing.

——————–

Bo Mackison is a photographer and owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. She creates with the camera and the computer.

Vintage Allium

Vintage Allium

Vintage Allium © 2012 Bo Mackison

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. ~ Rumi

Oh, this was fun! I took a stroll through the Experimental Gardens associated with the University of Wisconsin this morning. There were mostly empty beds awaiting flowers from the greenhouses, and bunches of day lily foliage , but no day lilies yet — too early. But there were quite a few stands of the Giant Allium.

Gotta love a flower whose name is Latin for Onion!

I did quite a bit of post processing on these flowers – purple in the garden, but after I was finished playing — well, you can see they are now a mixture of spring colors. I loved the bokeh and the background, and so I worked on the photo until the main flower was the focal point, but the background was as interesting. Hope you enjoy this one!

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Bo Mackison is a photographer and owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. She is finally getting up to speed in her warm season home of Wisconsin, and greatly enjoying her explores into the blooming gardens with her camera gear in tow.

Monarch Butterfly on Lilac Bush

Monarch and Lilac Flowers

Monarch and Lilac Flowers © 2012 Bo Mackison

Every man takes the limits of his own vision for the limits of the world. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

As I was working in my new office set-up – my screened in porch off the back of my house, plus a Bistro table that I can either sit at or stand at while using my computer or writing – I looked up and saw several Monarchs fluttering around the Lilac bush only a few feet from where I was working. I had earlier been enjoying the fragrance of the Lilac, a French hybrid, deep purple Lilac that Sherpa and I planted on our 25th wedding anniversary in 2001. I stopped my work, readied my camera, and went out a took a few dozen photos.

But when I opened my computer to fetch the files I had downloaded this morning, the photos were nowhere to be found. I’ve been having problems with some of my storage drives, and I have my main external hard drive at the computer magician’s place at this very moment. He just moments ago informed me that most of my files are intact and retrievable. I’m missing 9 Gigabytes of data, and I’m not sure what those specific files were yet. But since the computer magician recovered nearly 300 Gigabytes of photo files, I am more than happy. (I do have another back-up, but it is inconveniently in Arizona at this moment. Poor planning on my part.)

Now back to the lovely purple lilac photo. Well, the above photo is not of my Lilac. This photo is of a bush I photographed at the Allen Centennial Gardens on the University of Wisconsin’s main campus a few days ago. It will have to stand in for the other photograph for now.

Once the thunderstorm that is directly above my house moves east, I’ll see if I can take another photograph of another Monarch on my Lilac.

Maybe, maybe not…

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Bo Mackison is a photographer and owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC.