A Photograph with a Story

Two Benches

Two Benches © 2011 Bo Mackison

Many of my photographs have a story.

This photograph of two benches — one near and in focus, one far away and blurry — it has a story.

I had a long conversation with an elderly gentleman just before I took this photograph.

Often I am so focused on the plants in the gardens, I don’t spend much time interacting with other visitors. We exchange smiles and hellos, and we go on our separate ways. But this man stopped me as I was setting up a photo, and asked if he could ask me some questions. Expecting questions about my camera or lenses, I nodded and continued to adjust my tripod.

“I saw you back there, sitting on the bricks in that garden. You were staring at the plants,” he stated.

This wasn’t the conversation I was expecting, but he was polite and he was wearing a tweed jacket in the 85˚ heat. I’m not sure why I think tweed jackets vouch for a gentleman’s conversation, but I do. I stopped and listened more carefully.

“So what were you doing? You weren’t resting. There was a bench right there. Not pulling weeds.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Most people your age, um, I mean no disrespect, but your generation, they don’t sit on the ground looking at eggplants.” He raised his eyebrows quizzically, and I laughed out loud as he “pulled a face” – the description my grandfather once used when describing the faces I made.

I agreed again. “No, not too many people study eggplants, sitting on the sidewalk. Grocery store’s more likely.”

“So were you praying or just looking mighty hard at that eggplant?” He thought a second, and said in a whisper, “Guess might be ’bout same thing.”

I smiled again. Seemed everything he said made me smile. I told him I was studying the way the leaves wound around some of the stems. I was looking at the way the sunlight cast leafy shadows on the plants and comparing the different shades of green with the rusty spots left by bugs of some sort.

“Thought you might be a real one.” He grinned at me as I frowned. “You know, a photographer. You ever take pictures of benches?”

I told him I enjoyed photographing benches, doors, paths, that sort of thing. Especially in gardens.

He nodded. Turned serious.

“I was sitting on that bench over there awhile, the one half under that tree.” I looked where he pointed. “I sit there some days, just sit and look. Talk to an old friend. Not out loud.” He cast his eyes toward the pavement. “That wouldn’t look right.”

 When his gaze returned to me, he saw the question in my eyes.

“He was a good friend of mine. We were in the Marines together, fought in the “Big One”. Enlisted together, got discharged together, came home to Madison together. Married, had kids, grandkids, huh, great-grandkids. All that.

“After we retired, we’d walk this garden, talk. It was quiet. We liked quiet. You go look. That bench, it’s a memorial to my friend. You might take a picture sometime.”

I asked if he wanted his photo taken on the bench. He shook his head.

I picked up my camera gear and walked over to the bench. I looked back, he nodded at me, did a quick salute, and walked away.

I sat down awhile, studied the bench, looked around, then I took a picture of his bench.

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Bo Mackison is a photographer and the owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC.

Seeing Red and Green – A Ritual to Defuse Anger

Red and Green

Seeing Red and Green © 2011 Bo Mackison

The title of this post is a bit of a puzzler. Sure, the leaf is green with red veins. Seeing red, seeing green.

But the phrase “seeing red” has a common meaning. I checked with an online, viewer-written dictionary, and this was an accurate summary of the word and its derivation:

The etymology of the word refers to bullfighting. It is well-known that a matador uses a red cape to engage with and then infuriate a bull. When the bull gets agitated, it charges the matador, but it tends to aim for the cape and not the man. “Seeing red” refers to this situation of being so angry, your anger controls you and causes you to feel enraged.

This photo is a good visual reminder for me when I am struggling with angry feelings. I do not want to ignore my anger, but I don’t want anger to control my actions either. I needed a ritual to help me through difficult moments.

This is what I came up with:

When I look at the green leaf, I visualize “seeing green” which I associate with feeling calm and in control.  There are lines of red through the green, acknowledging my “seeing red” feelings, but most of the photograph reinforces the “green” calming.

I imagine my anger as that central red spot (hot spot) in the photo. Then I visualize my anger flowing through the cool green, and the anger becomes cooler and less intense. It flows away from that hot spot and I imagine my anger dropping off the edge of the photo.

I also discovered a quote — one of those “oh, so true” quotes — to help remind me of the good that comes from staying calm when I feel anything but calm.

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape one hundred days of sorrow.  ~Chinese proverb

And deep, cleansing breaths are always a great way to relax and shake off too much tension.

I found that the combination of distraction, visualization, using the quote, and deep breathing to be helpful when I want to move from “seeing red” to “feeling green.”

I am discovering that some photographs have a deeper meaning than that which is first seen.

So Many Goals!

Cactus Garden Path

Cactus Garden Path © 2011 Bo Mackison

I collected dozens of scraps of papers on which I had written “Arizona Goals” and stuffed then in the back of my journal just before I left Madison on February 1. Then, while I was riding halfway across the country, I tried to organize them on several pages in my journal. There were six categories, and there was quite a bit of overlap.

In summing up my “Solo in Tucson” experiences, I went through the list and wrote notes on how my original goals fared. This is what I discovered. I did a lot, but I didn’t get everything accomplished. And that is OK with me. I changed my mind on a few goals and changed the focus on some of the other goals. There were a few new things I added to the list once I arrived. And, since I hope to return to Arizona next year for art shows, I’ll hang on to my list and see where it takes me next time around.

  • Doing all the Basics “Solo”
  1. plan menus, cook all meals except occasional eat out. —Not a fan of cooking, but basic, healthy eating is a doable goal. Emphasis was on fresh foods, minimal processed items, quite doable. (except I didn’t give up the chocolate as was one of my original intentions)
  2. take care of my living space. — The less clutter, the easier it is to maintain living space. I am now a supporter of the de-cluttering movement. I love a house without clutter!
  3. drive wherever I need to go Managed to get where I needed to go 90% of the time, not easy, but I did it.
  4. do the banking — OK
  5. grocery shopping — I am not fond of shopping, but I found that I enjoyed grocery shopping, especially with a planned menu. Great discovery.
  6. putting gas in the car — OK
  7. other car maintenance — OK
  8. shop for whatever I need–hardware, clothing, food, art, department store, recreational. — OK
  9. responsible for health care, including nutrition, enough sleep, taking my medications. — OK
  10. Find a tai chi class. —  Once I got to Tucson, I decided not to get involved in a group thing right away. It never did get done.
  11. Take a birding class, learn to identify birds, and meet people at same time. — Same thing. Never got it done.
  • Travel and “Explores”
  1. National Parks and Monuments — National Parks are one of my passions. I visited Saguaro National Park, both the east and west units, Tonto National Monument, Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument, Tumacàcori National Historical Site. I’ve now visited all the National Parks and Monuments in Arizona (over the past couple of decades).
  2. National Forests — I wanted to visit some of the National Forests and see as many of the Sky Islands as I could. I spent a lot of time in various parts of Coronado National Forest and also in Tonto National Forest.
  3. Missions —Photographed both Tumacácori and San Xavier de Bac Mission.
  4. Kartchner Cave — Combination of dark and claustrophobia worries. Even though I really wanted to see this cave, just not up for a visit yet. Maybe next time.
  5. Sonoran Desert Museum —Visited once a week to document changes in spring. Loved this place!
  6. Kitt Peak Observatory (at night) — Didn’t get to an observatory for a night show this time. Not ready for night driving on roads I’m not familiar with.
  7. Center for Photography at the University of Arizona. —I don’t know why I didn’t go. I wanted to. It’s what I’m interested in. Just didn’t get there.
  8. Know the exits for I-10 around Tucson. — Accomplished! Very proud of this one, I thought it would be much harder than it was.
  9. Do a one day trip, one that requires planning, bringing food, etc. —Drove to Organ Pipe National Monument. (Three hours each way.) So worth the effort and worry, and I was fine once I got on the road.
  10. Go on an overnight trip, stay in a motel in a city I’ve never been to before. —Went to Boyce Thompson Arboretum in Superior and then spent night in Globe.
  11. Drive to Phoenix, see the major museums in Phoenix. — I went to Phoenix, but not ready to drive on Phoenix expressways. Drove on a few city streets. The traffic in Phoenix was going way too fast for my comfort level. Never got to the museums either.
  12. Go on an overnight car camping trip. —Wanted to go overnight camp at Chiricahua National Monument. This was my last big goal before I leave Arizona, but not going to get it done. Not this year!
  • Art and Photography
  1. Visit Center for Photography at the University. — Nope.
  2. Visit exhibits at Tucson Art Museum. — Nope.
  3. Art fairs and festivals — Participated in Tubac Festival of the Arts and Tempe Art Festival, visited two other art fairs in the area. Good to see other shows, artists, and set-ups.
  4. Take photos at gardens–consider making card sets to sell at those gardens? — Took plenty of photos, never mustered the courage to show my cards.
  5. Take a photo workshop or other workshop from Desert Botanical Gardens? — Decided not to.
  • Business of Art
  1. Talk to 3 gallery owners or shops about carrying photographs or cards. — Visited galleries, talked with people but not about my art. Focused on talking about the art they had on display. That’s as far as I got.
  2. Art festivals–Tubac, Tempe. —  Accomplished.
  3. Talk to artists wherever you meet them, find out what they do, where they work, how they are inspired. — Met some great artists, including several at the Santa Cruz Artist Studio Tour.
  4. Stay current with summer art fair applications. — Managed to keep art show calendar current, apply for summer shows, fill summer schedule while in Arizona.
  • Sonoran Desert and other Habitats
  1. Learn about the desert– the history, geology, botanicals, weather,  animals and birds. Spent lots of time doing this. Loved this part.
  2. Safety in desert. — Learned it, and glad I did when I got lost twice on two different desert hikes!
  3. Hike the desert. —  Not always in the desert, but hiked at least twice a week. Saguaro NP West, Saguaro NP East, Tucson Mountain Park, Catalina Mountain, Madera Canyon, Organ Pipe National Monument, Mt. Lemmon, San Pedro Riparian Areas.
  4. Photography in the desert.— Yep, took lots of photos, still have to process about half of them.
  • Learn about Tucson.
  1. Get map, learn to drive around Tucson.
  2. Learn major shopping centers, entertainment venues, downtown grid.
  3. Go downtown –day, night, weekend, during week.
  4. Walk through the university. — Nope.
  5. Drive up Mt Lemmon to Summerhaven. —Nice drive, mountain driving was easier than I expected.
  6. Hike Sabina Canyon. — Never got there.
  7. Hike Catalina Mountain. — Short hike on birding trail, would like to go on longer hike though.
  8. Visit Galleries. — Mostly in Tubac. Not in Tucson.
  9. Restaurants. Eat at three restaurants by myself, including one nice one. — Didn’t eat by myself at a nice restaurant. I guess it takes a certain amount of guts to dress up and go to a nice place alone.
  10. Explore neighborhoods. — I even went through a couple of condos! Fun!

Tomorrow it’s time to pack, Sherpa flies in tomorrow night, we are taking a tourist day on Wednesday, and Thursday we hit the road! Soon I’ll be back home in Wisconsin.

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Bo Mackison is a photographer and owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. She will be returning to Wisconsin later this week after living in Tucson for the last two months. She’s been exploring Arizona and living life “solo.”

“Solo” in Tucson

Roosevelt Lake in Tonto

Roosevelt Lake in Tonto National Forest © 2011 Bo Mackison

I came to Arizona in early February with a place to stay, two art festivals where I had been accepted to exhibit my photography, and ten weeks to discover the desert–and discover how well I could live “solo” in the Southwest.

I had bookmarked reference sites on my computer and I had a half-dozen books about Arizona with me. There were hundreds of notations in the margins on places to travel, photographs to consider, adventures to take, galleries to visit.

And I had a page in one of my raggedy journals with a list of goals– some large, some small; some that would take the whole time. (Or a whole lifetime, I was to find out.)

I had planned on taking one last “explore” today, this being the last full day I’ll be in Arizona “solo”, but the weather isn’t cooperating. Dust storms are not the best conditions for taking photographs, but more important, not the best conditions for me to drive on the Interstate.

Plus, now that I have some unexpected quiet time–gusty winds rustling outside not withstanding– I can take a few hours to assess just how well I have spent the last ten weeks, and to draw some conclusions. [If this is too detailed and long for your preferred blog post reading, skim or just enjoy the photographs.]

Tonto National Forest and Roosevelt Lake

Roosevelt Lake © 2011 Bo Mackison

I’m writing the details out for me. But I’m also writing this for everyone out there who carries a big dream in their heart and soul — a dream that they’ve had for a long time, but a dream that keeps getting returned to the “Maybe Later” shelf or the “I Can’t Do It” closet or the “It’s Too Hard” drawer.

I pushed away my dream of going to the Southwest and exploring the area “solo” for a long time. I had so many reasons I couldn’t go, it was an exhausting event for me to just examine all of them. Then I gradually discovered I would never live my dream until I stopped dreaming and began planning. And so  I–admittedly, very haphazardly–began writing to-do lists everywhere. By writing down the tiny steps I had to take, I began to get a clearer grasp on how to achieve my dream and I got a bit closer to its realization.

On weary days, I wrote lists with only a few words: JUST DO IT! The words were motivational, but they didn’t produce much action.

On my better days, I wrote lists with dozens and dozens of steps spread over pages of my notebook, each step building on the last one. Most of these lists I shredded in frustration. (The “I can’t do it” gremlins were screaming in my head, and I was in total agreement that I just wasn’t up to the challenge.) But I hid a couple of the lists in the back of an Arizona Photography book for safe-keeping. Just in case my bravery returned.

Finally, I admitted I couldn’t do all of the planning alone IF I wanted to be successful, that I had a lot to learn before I could embark on my dream, that I couldn’t manage each and every step totally on my own, and that I didn’t have to, either. I realized that I could ask for help and that was a turning point for me.

View from Tonto National Monument

View from Tonto National Monument © 2011 Bo Mackison

And so, at various time during the year long planning process, I enlisted the help of my husband–Sherpa has stood by me for 35 years–through some very good years and some very hard years–and he encouraged me to go for my dream, as did other important people in my life.

This was the first IMPORTANT thing I learned–one doesn’t have to embark on their dream alone. Even if the dream is about “going solo”. One can ask for advice, for help, for encouragement, for a listening ear, for whatever makes the attainment of the goal possible. Perhaps you won’t get what you ask for, perhaps you’ll have to think of an alternative resource or a work-around, but you won’t know until you’ve asked. I asked, and received, plenty of help, and it didn’t lessen the achievement of my dream.

Also, all those tiny lessons one learns during the preparation? It’s all good stuff to stockpile in your dream chest and good stuff to use and re-use when the going gets tough while you are living your dream. Hey, just because you are finally living your dream, it doesn’t mean there won’t be a misstep here and there.

Coming next is Part II: So many goals! Now what do I do?

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Photos are from my trip to Tonto National Forest. Roosevelt Lake is a popular recreational area. The lake was formed when a masonry dam–the oldest such structure in Arizona–was built across the Salt River in 1911. Tonto National Monument is within the National Forest and preserves two ancient cliff dwellings. Unfortunately, when I arrived late on a Tuesday afternoon, the guided tour was booked full for the next days and I was a minute too late to go on the shorter hike. (Last unguided tour must leave by 4:00 pm.)

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Bo Mackison is a photographer and owner of Seeded Earth Studio LLC. She will soon be returning to Wisconsin after living in Tucson for two months. She’s been exploring Arizona, taking photographs, and blogging about photography, art, and living life “solo.” Now it’s time for her to assess what was accomplished in the last ten weeks.

Bloomin’ Cactus

Hedgehog Cactus Bloom

Hedgehog Cactus Bloom © 2011 Bo Mackison

I saw this cactus covered with these most marvelous bright red blossoms as I pulled into the casita where I am staying in Tucson.

I’ve been anticipating the cactus bloom since I arrived; I was beginning to think I would miss out on the spring blossoms. So when I noticed these cactus plants in bloom this afternoon, it brought a smile to my face.

Now, I admit I haven’t spent much of today smiling. It’s been a rough day. My mom, who will be celebrating her 86th birthday next week, was rushed to the hospital yesterday evening with a mechanical defibrillator problem. Repair surgery was scheduled for today, and then postponed. It was decided the small city hospital she was in could not do the surgery, so a transfer to a larger hospital 100 miles away was initiated.

Today was a day filled with phone calls to and from my husband — he was trying to manage the medical issues from Wisconsin, to the nursing staff and cardiologists, and to family members. Due to some complications with travel, and the immediacy of the surgery, it was decided that I would remain in Arizona. Sherpa headed to my family’s hometown to manage the hospital routine.

Layers of Red

Layers of Red © 2011 Bo Mackison

Now surgery is scheduled for Monday morning, wehave figured out our schedules, and everyone is resting comfortably.

And I am in Arizona.

I thought I would be okay with the decision. After all, the surgery is a minor repair, and my mother plans to return to her home after a few days in the hospital. But by the fourteenth phone conversation of the day, I was worn out with worry, confused by the multiple changes in plans, and on the verge of a panic attack. I knew I had to calm myself.

I kept thinking of those cactus flowers just down the road. I had wanted to photograph them just before sunset. The sun was setting. I only had a few minutes to gather my camera gear and check out the flowers. But here I was, crying like a baby, gasping for my next breath.

But I was determined to photograph those flowers in the waning light. And I wanted to get myself back in control too. So I stuffed Kleenex in one pocket and a filter in my other pocket, and I grabbed my camera and tripod. I’d like to tell you that I wiped my eyes and then calmly took these  photos. Not true, though. No, I couldn’t quite quit crying and sniffing, but I finally managed to set up my camera and tripod.

For the first few shots, I couldn’t focus because of my tears. But I really wanted the chance to capture the beauty of these flowers more than I wanted to keep on crying and feeling panicky.

Bloomin' Cactus

Bloomin’ Cactus © 2011 Bo Mackison

I took some deep breaths. I wiped my eyes dry. I took more photos.

Then I noticed my surroundings. I watched the last of the sunlight cast light and shadows on the Santa Rita Mountains. I watched a cactus wren do some maintenance work on her nest. I watched two striking black and yellow butterflies dance around the ocotillo blooms. I took many more deep breaths and calmed down.

Later I made a more calls to check on things. My mom is stable and is good hands in the cardiac care unit. All is okay–both in the Midwest and here in Arizona.

In eleven days, Sherpa will fly out and we’ll pack the car, turn it a little east and a little north, and drive home. We’ll make a stop on the way to visit my mother.

I’m not too accustomed to handling family medical emergencies alone. I’m sure not used to being 1800 miles away, but today, even though it was a complicated decision, it seems to be the right decision. Right now we are all calmly waiting for the next step.

Today I learned more about living solo in Arizona than I’d bargained for, but all is going well.